unprettty

As i get older , i feel like im going to be one of those women subjected to work out constantly to stay in single digit cloths. I have a sister we grew up in the same enviorment ate the same food, yet shes a size 3 nd im struggling to stay a size 9. she doesnt wout,but looks so in shape. I run a mile everyday in hope to gain muscle control. Its not like i have the best family background. Every time i eatr taco bell r sayt im hungry someone i nmy family says im gaining weight i look fat. Weight is a stuggle and constant battle ive been having my whole life. I try to take it one day at a time,but feeling chunky is enough to make a girl feel unpretty.

Family affair

You got me feelin' orphan Annie
More or less
Than the muse of a family
Shit, is it money that my momma want?
Or is it somethin' deeper, and this is momma front?
I know my daddy gone
It's such a lonely world
Is this the reason for you leaving?
Do you feel a void?
Do he make you feel important than how you felt before?
Do he kiss you on the forehead and keep you warm?
Shit, if I was old enough to speak
I'd tell you that no money can be a mother to me
And you ain't gotta go to war
Especially if you don't know what you fightin' for
You stuck in Vietnam
You see him as a God
And I don't know who told you, but I don't see a mom I see a young teen
I don't see a problem
We're livin' wrong before your God see a proverb
Your little cub
One day a bed
One parent above, the other live scared She need love
That's why I can't have it
She can't be my mother
She's always with daddy

You don't love me (Whyyy me?)
And you don't need me (Whyyy me?)
This ain't easy (Whyyy me?)
I got no family, you too weak to leave him 

You don't love me (Whyyy me?)
And you don't need me (Whyyy me?)
This ain't easy (Whyyy me?)
Momma, we got no family 'cause you too weak to leave him

-unfortunatly i did not write this,but this is a sample from a song from one of my favorite poets/rappers (Wale) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQTOu3_E3FUsome of things mentioned are things i have been feeling lately.....

I LOVE HBCUS!

I enjoy going to an HBCU more than i thought i would. Growing up around the Virginia Beach area there is always so much negetivity towards schools like Virginia State and Norfolk State. And plus going to school being the "token" black girl made me appreciate more diversity. I feel like my high school was pretty diverse, and i hoped for my college to be the same way. To my surprise i ended up at the place i didnt want to be and i LOVE IT!I love going to norfolk state and i loove being at an HBCU. I like the idea of being taught by educated african americans and surrounding myself with educated african americans its truely amazing.  I understand this isnt the place iw ould have chosen for myself but i dont regret my decision of transfering because i truely love it!

R.I.P Allison Arnold

Today someone I know died. It was something that could have been prevented 100%. Bullying is real people. You never know how serious it is untill it happends to someone you know. I talked to Allison once before abou ther bullying situation and i never realized how serious it can be. We need to treat one another alot better than what we do. Lets not just say it, lets do it. My high school is abox with a whole in it. It was too small for something like this to happend. For someone so young who had the weight of the world on thier shoulders to take thier life....its heart breaking. I met her last year we used to cheer together i tried to get her involved in school, she was my only friend on the team and i helped her out around school. Ive been bullied before and i know how it feels,but i feel like we should have done more not just me but the Bayside family. Ever friday Ms.Coreprew would say we are Bayside and we are the MArlin Family and i used to believe that was true,but after this maybe our family isnt so cllose after all. Lets change this so noone has to go though what she did.

R.i.p Allison Arnold you will truely be missed.

Ode to the one i love

Can you change my mind?
See i have this belife love is wrong.
I have a proven theory of all the myths of a happily ever after

I want to trust i want to be free
I wanna let my mind go and fall
fall hard fall deep

Can you change my mind?
I just know i know i know
No facts or statistics needed

I want to i need to i have to
i wanna let go and fall in love
i just wanna love you

Can you change my mind?
can you erase all the past scars of a thing thats never been
the thing ive been longing for it to be

to you the love of my life
the capture of my soul and the one controling my being
can you change my mind?

Can you prove me wrong?
can you show me?
Can you lead me out of this darkness

Just show me.

I had a dream...........

I had a dream .more of a vision not with color patterns or frams but of my life.Ever since i can remember ive had this vision of being a doctor. While other girls played with barbies and had tea parties i walked around the house playing docotor and nurse.

I had a dream. It was more of an exspectancy. most girls can dream of being ballerinas or models not me. my head has been in a book since ive been able to read. No time for fairytales no time to learn how to color in the lines.....it was stright medical school for me.

I had a dream. past tense because its lost.i see no purpose in this why am i writing, why am i reading,why am i studying. I get success but no congradulations for me.No pat on the back...Its never a good job.

I had a dream. what a beautiful dream you created for me. oh how lovely to beat in someones head your goals your aspirations. They can easily be reached...for me.

I had a dream. I had a dream. I had a dream.My dream, my goal,my aspiration. I had a dream. Ive been worried about your dream...i forgot what mine is.

Because i was told Black isnt Beautiful

Black the color of night
The shadow of Death
How can something so negetive represent beauty
The meaning of evil
a sign of distress
How can something i am be considered pretty
I am all black
Not a mixture of purity
How can i believe i can be in a magazine
I was told black isnt beautul
no not the color i am, but the color of my skin
dark,chocolate,BLACK
how can i look in a mirror and be amazed by what i see
Because i was told black isnt beautiful
but black desrcibes me.